Humor: Quips In English form London, England

“Toilet out of order.  Please use floor below.”

In a Laundromat:  “AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES:  Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.”

In a London department store:  “BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS….”

In an office:  “Would the person who took the stepladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken?”

In an office:  “After tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.”

Outside a second-hand shop:  “We exchange anything – bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?”

Notice in health food shop window:  “CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS.”

Spotted in a safari park:  “Elephants, please stay in your car.”

Seen during a conference:  “For anyone who has children and doesn’t know it, there is a day care on the 1st floor.”

Notice in a farmer’s field:  “The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.”

Message on a leaflet:  “If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.”

On a repair shop door:  “We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door – the bell doesn’t work.)”

Newspaper article titles in the SGV Tribune:  “Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife And Daughter… (It took several days before the editor realized that what he had printed was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.)”

“Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash,” expert says.  “Really?  You think so?”

“Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers.  (Now that’s taking things a bit far!)”

“Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over….  (What a guy!)”

“Miners Refuse to Work After Death… (How lazy?!)”

“Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant…. (That works better than a fair trial!)”

“War Dims Hope for Peace….   (I can see where it might have that effect!)”

“If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile….   (Do you think so?!)”

“Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures….   (Who would have thought?!)”

“Enfield (London) Couple Slain: Police Suspect Homicide….  (They may be on to something!)”

“Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges….  (You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?)”

“Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge.…  (He probably IS the battery charge!)”

“New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group….  (Weren’t they fat enough already?!)”

“Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft….  (Why would he admit it?!).”

“Kids Make Nutritious Snacks….  (They probably taste like chicken.)”

“Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half….  (That’s a pretty stiff penalty!)”

“Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors….  (Boy, those docs are really TALL!)”

“And the winner is…

“Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead.”

I hope you enjoyed these quips as much as I did.  I had to share them with you as they were shared with me by my friend, Author Roberta Davis (yes, I have a friend, lol.)

A. K. Buckroth